Sunday, oh happy Sunday. If you have been following my Thursday night picks, here’s our bounce back from this week. I’ve decided to give you guys my full card. I’ll break down some of the games and see if we can shake the mush. I have shown mushing tendencies in the past, so this may turn into just a “fade me” blog every week. Best of luck to all you fellow degenerates out there (insert gamble responsibly thing here). So let’s get into it.
One game I have circled is Browns vs the Football team. So… that team in our nation’s capital isn’t great. They have a very talented defensive line and, Terry Mclauren is very good, but that won’t be enough. Haskins hasn’t showed much growth in year two and the Football team looked putrid against the Cards last week. The Browns and my guy Baker “moxie” mayfield looked awesome against a bad bengals team. Look for the Chubb/Hunt combo to force that pass rush to slow down and Baker to go full “Fuck you” cash another commercial check and win a football game by a billion.
The pick: browns -7 and over 45
Here’s another fun game in the Steel City. We got Houston trying to avoid an 0-3 start against a Steelers team that has returned to form, especially with the return of motorcycle enthusiast and bathroom expert… Big Ben. The Steelers defense are a bunch of fucking savages I love that defense. Houston has shown real problems scoring the football since the loss of D Hop, who is a savage in his own right. So based off the savage math Steelers -4 (if you want to buy a point to get it to -3 I won’t fight you on it).
The pick: Steelers -4
The Bolts vs. Kittens are next on my cards here. The Chargers looked frisky after giving the Chiefs a God damn heart attack. Andy Reid’s heart was in jeopardy that game. Justin Herbert is still a rookie so I don’t want to deep throat him just yet. But the man has the hair of a lacrosse player and the ceiling of a top 10 quarterback in the NFL. The Panthers on the other hand, lost CMC. Yea…enough said.
The pick: Bolts -6.5
Cards host the Lions in the late window… The Cardinals look like a playoff team and Kyler Murray is “sick with it” as the kids would say. Kyler is our short king, as his dainty figure skates around the football field. Watching him play is football guy porn. Lions are absolutely awful. Cards shit down the lions throat and continue to dominate. Vegas really isn’t seeing the board well in this one, cards -5.5 is insulting and I will not stand for it. Make Vegas respect the flock of what could be described as the least scary bird in football.
The Pick: cards -5.5
This one is quick and easy: Let Russ cook + Dallas sucks = the pick: Seahawks -4.5
And if you haven’t noticed we’re laying points all over the board this week. A slate with all favorites isn’t a real card so I’ve saved my dog for primetime. This is another “fuck you tour” for Arron Rodgers. Arron is making sure Jordan Love doesn’t smell the field until Arron is dead. The Pack appears to be one of the big teams to beat in the NFC. On the other side Drew Brees looks like his arm is duct taped onto his body. Everyone keeps saying that the saints defense is good and it’s fine, but a good defense isn’t going to cut it against the Pack this week. It looks like Drew has finally lost it. Take the points take the pack.
The pick: Packers +3
Pick Recap:
Browns -7 and over 45
Steelers -4
Bolts -6.5
Cardinals -5.5
Seahawks -4.5
Packers +3