I want to be the primary sponsor of a little league baseball team.
At this stage in my life, I feel like I should start to build some good karma and doing some good for the community. Also, I would like to own a sports team. Now clearly being that I’m 24 I couldn’t possibly own a professional sports franchise, unless it’s the Baltimore Orioles who are going to go up for sale because they will lose 130 games or so. If the current ownership group of the Orioles is reading this: I’m offering you no more than a small bag of weed for your sorry excuse of a baseball team. That being the case, I’m going to get myself a better baseball team. A local little league team!
After looking into this more… turns out you can’t “buy” a little league team. But I’ve found the next best thing, I can sponsor them. I’m not exactly sure what sponsors do for a little league team, but I’m doing this the right way. My band of little inner city bombers are going to have the sickest “Drunk Gamblers” jerseys because product placement is key. Plus it’s a two for one. Not only will this draw in all the drunk baseball dads (who still think if he didn’t roll his ankle before that one middle school try out, he would have made the team and worked his way up to the show). I also have tapped into the literal growing fan base of kids, with still drunk parents who probably beat them or some shit, which will inevitably grow into drunk gamblers themselves. Boom instant website growth.
This is just the tip of the iceberg my friends. I’m set up for a classic double dip! I’m growing the website in the public eye while boosting my image as a philanthropist because I’m supporting the kids. It’s all for the kids… and my gambling addiction. After simply lining the pockets of the next wanna be Pete Rose. I can begin to fix the games from a far. By just throwing little Johnny out there serving up meatballs to the other team. I just gotta bet against my little guys. What do they care! They all get trophies anyways so fuck it.
If I’m not going to be able to break into any of these big league front offices to corrupt it from within, I’m going to settle for the next best thing. Now I’m not a monster, I’ll make sure I keep the kids happy with Capri Suns or whatever they drink now… kale maybe. I’m going to be building the best damn money making machine out there while bending the child labor laws, and helping out the community. If this doesn’t make me a good guy I don’t know what will.