Off the bat, I hate the term Alma Mater. I lump it with “Valedictorian” and “Cum Laude” (pronounced “coom” surprisingly). These are terms that I don’t care the meaning for, but it automatically knocks you down a couple pegs if you run around saying these words. Even though these are supposed to be good things, I categorize them as bad. It’s like running around saying you’re a Sommelier … We’re proud, but half the room doesn’t know what you’re talking about, speak english. Say you were the smartest in your grade or that you know everything about wine. Speaking in tongues comes off a little braggy.
Imagine cigarette companies sending you mail asking if you’d like to give them money in case you get lung cancer. What if the NFL requested that you set aside a portion of your life savings for them in case you get Lou Gehrig’s? These sound absolutely ridiculous and aren’t even fathomable. People would be up in arms and angrier than when Elvis Presley shook his hips on the Ed Sullivan Show.
My ex-university had the temerity to do what other large deadly institutions had never even considered ruining their reputations with… requesting to be added to their consumer’s wills. Here is what they said to me:
“Don’t forget about your alma mater. You were told freshman year that you will be a _____ for life. But what does that really mean once you graduate? One way you can show your pride is by making a gift to our fund. your contribution will make it possible for the university to respond to challenge and create oppurtunities for the next generation of ______, from tuition to textbook costs. Please join us in supporting student success and make a gift today”.
I’d be surprised if this fund has any more than zero dollars. They pump you full of horrible food at the “commons”, where the only thing “common” there is pledges shitting diarrhea down their pant legs in front of their soon to be friends. The school figures, they saved us so much money on food that we should give it back when we die. They really asked at the wrong time too, I’d be more inclined to pencil them in before I left the death trap of the town I went to school in… realistically, multiple people died there during my term. Now that I left, the last thing I’m gonna do is give them more money. This is like getting hired by Goldman Sachs from a shitty firm and then sending back money every month to thank your previous employers.
Correct, they did not only ask to be in my will, but to also make a monthly donation from my credit card. As if my subscription accounts and avid spending issues weren’t enough to send my bill through the roof… let me tack on an extra fee to send to the place I owe 40,000 dollars already.
Even though I hate the words they used, and refuse to send them a penny. It really reiterates the fact that I chose the right place to be “educated”. They stick to the theory that I have been a fan of for years: “It can never hurt to ask”. What is the harm in asking? We’ve all heard the worst you can get is a no… which is just embarrassing in general, but if you send your request in the mail, it makes the no a lot easier, They really do just continue to teach me things even after I left.